Is it too late now to An-sari?

This story was originally published in the January 19, 2018 issue of The Slant. Want Asian American news, media and culture in your inbox every week? Subscribe here.

Confused? Disappointed? Angry? Does it all sound a little too familiar?

Us too. The Slant‘s staff alone has been through probably 72 different emotions since the story broke Saturday.

Since it gets to the heart of heterosexual romantic interactions and sexual agency, there’s a thinkpiece to match every possible emotion.

Here are some that have given us perspective.

(CW: These pieces reference the original story, or include other accounts that may be upsetting to read.)

If you’re…

CONFUSED because it sounds like a normal interaction, or you’ve been in Ansari’s shoes and don’t understand what he should have done differently:

… read about why the normality makes it that much more important to examine, and how we need to start talking about enthusiastic consent, replacing “will she have sex with me?” with “does she want to have sex with me?”

FRUSTRATED with Grace for not asserting herself more, or confused as to why she didn’t just say “fuck you” and leave:

… read one woman’s understanding of why her initial reaction was “it’s not that bad,” an explanation of why women tend to give “soft no’s” or give in to something they don’t want, or this discussion of how we’re just starting to understand—but not fully practice—a healthier model of consent.

STRUGGLING to get past the writing and reporting of it:

… here’s an examination of the ways the reporting failed, but how the essence of the story still matters.

WORRIED this will hurt the #metoo movement:

… read this discussion of the generational divide between feminist movements, why we need to embrace nuanced conversations around consent and re-examine sexual norms, and why we shouldn’t underestimate our ability to do so.

ANGRY at the resistance for having this conversation…

… so are Lindy West and Samantha Bee. Let their anger soothe yours.

Jessica Yi, Natalie Bui, and Chery Sutjahjo, editors, who think making sure your partner is into it is the lowest bar for good sex—and don’t we all want to be good at sex? (Also thanks to Dalena Nguyen and everyone who shared articles with us and listened!)

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